My Life as a Dark Lord's Conscience
by Singa058
Summary: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live inside Lord Voldemort's head? No? Well, I have a twisted mind and I have. So, if you'd like to see the results of my pondering, read this. Rated T to be safe. Mild language.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Nothing much to say here, so... enjoy!

Disclaimer: These locations a characters are owned by the wonderful J.K. Rowling, who is not me. I wish. I mean, if I did own them, it wouldn't be a fanfiction, would it?

Young Tom Riddle sat on his bed glaring at nothing in particular. Anyone walking into the room would guess that he had finally been caught doing something wrong and was in time out. That wasn't it though.

As he was ten, some one might also guess that there was something to do with a little girl chasing him around, or maybe a little girl _he _chased around. That wasn't it, either.

In fact, most of the kids were scared of Tom, so the only chasing he'd be doing wouldn't have anything to do with whoever he may fancy.

Perhaps you may guess that he was angry because he had no friends.

Ha!Tom? Want friends? Good one.

No, he was mad because of me.

I don't like him much either.

We're stuck with each other, though.

Why don't I go back to the beginning, shall I?

**17 hours earlier**

I was just sitting on a tree branch on a fine autumn evening, minding my own business, when my boss teleported next to me.

That slimy git- I mean, wonderful boss of mine.

I suppose to a human like you we'd just be a sight to see.

Whenpeople like us are in physical form, we're about three inches tall. If anyone would notice us, we would be gone before they could get a better look. I had long dirty blond hair with streaks of every color of the rainbow. My eyes were silver, and was wearing blue jeans and a black T-shirt bearing the words "Procrastinators Unite Tomorrow..." in red. Oh, I also have wings in my physical body. Those are important. He had whort black hair and equally silver eyes. For some reason we couldn't change our eye color like we can anything else about our physical appearance. He was wearing the classic, a toga, with wings spread out the back so he looked mystical. Boring.

"Kalliope, I ha-"

"My name is Kalli, Xeno, Kalli. Not Kalliope."

"Your name is Kalliope. My name is Xenophon, we've been through this a million times, I'm not going to use your little nicknames. I have a job for you."

I did the usual bit of grumbling and he did his usual glaring.

"Why did I have to be a conscience? Why couldn't I just be a... spirit of the forest or something? They don't do much these days. But noooo... I had to beborn a'conscience.'" Well, technically we aren't born, we just start existing whenever there's another human that need a conscience, if all the others are taken. Then we just go into a new job when it's needed.

"Forest spirits are nearly extinct today, and it's your job to keep humans from being more destructive, so here's your assignment. A little boy." He tossed me a file of papers and I took them. It was rather thick.

"How old is this boy?"

"Ten."

"Ten _years_?" Needless to say I was shocked, this file was thick for a boy of ten years.

"Yes, he's done a lot. All the other consciences gave up on him. I'm not letting you out of this job."

"Oh, and what are you gonna do if I refuse?"

"You'll be fired."

"'Fired' is a human term, if you take my job away I won't have a purpose, and I'll lose my life." This was true. Consciences existed to keep humans from doing stupid things, and it was becoming very difficult. If a conscience is fired, then there is no point to them and theydissolve into nothingness, basically. Consciences could only grasp onto existance maybe three months without a job. I had only been out of a job for a few days, and I was intending on having a little vacation before going on to my next assignment.

"Exactly."

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

I glared at Xeno for awhile, waiting for him to crack a smile and tell me he's joking. He simply looked back at me.

"Fine. I'll do it. But I won't like it."

"Good, you're due there tomorrow, everything you need is in the case file. If you need to contact me, you know how." With a little pop he disappeared.

I sighed and opened the case file. It took five hours, but I memorized it. As soon as it was memorized I teleported to the boy's room. Looking around, I saw that the lights were off and the window shade down. The boy, Tom, was still asleep, so I decided not to wake him. According to the case file he was a half blood wizard that grew up away from wizarding influence. It appeared he had learned how to control his powers, to an extent. Wandless magic is so unpredictable, it's quite dangerous.

So I waited for him to wake up.

When he finally did wake up, he dressed in a grey uniform and trudged down the stairs sleepily, presumably to go to breakfast.

I decided to let him eat before I revealed myself. So I waited very patiently, doing nothing of particular interest. You know, hang out, snoop around his stuff, read his diary... Infact, he opened the door to find a little tiny woman with wings sitting on his bed reading his diary.

"Bloody hell! Get away from that it's perso- what are you?"

I couldn't help but giggle. Not that I tried to help it.

"My name is Kalli, I'll be your conscience."

"My what?"

"You know those little voices in your head that told you when not to do something bad? The ones that you usually ignore?"

"Yeah."

"That's people like me. Come sit."

"You can't tell me what to do."

"Yeah I can, I just did."

"Well, I won't do it."

"Well than I won't tell you about consciences." I stood up, leaving the diary on the bed, and flew over to his wardrobe to sit on top of it.

"Wait!" Ha. Works every time.

"Will you sit?"

He glared at me for a moment, then sat down on his bed, closing his diary and setting it on the bedside table. I flew back down and sat on his shoulder.

"Why are you on my shoulder?"

"It's the customary place for consciences to sit, now. I will be here to tell you what is right and wrong. You've had other consciences that probably haven't shown themselves, hm?"

"No," he said uncertainly, not wanting to sound stupid.

"I am a magical being that's purpose in life is to keep humans from doing 'bad' things. Right, well I've been assigned to you, so you are the only person who can see or hear me. I said 'person', mind. Oh, and most of the time I'll just be inside your head, and you'll hear me as thoughts. Well, I think that's it. Any questions?"

Tom glared at me untrustingly.

"How do I know you aren't a joke."

"I can do this." He looked at me, despite himself. I disappeared with a little 'pop', and I imagine Tom felt a very odd sensation.

_See?_ I thought at him.

"AGH! Get out of me head!"

_Being in your head is my job, idiot. You don't have to shout, I can hear your thoughts. I know what you're thinking._

_You can?_ he thought immediately. He caught on quicker than most.

_Yes, I can. Or else you'd look like an idiot talking to me all the time, wouldn't you?_

_Wow, how do you do that._

_Magic. What else?_

_Magic?_

_Yes._

_Wow._

_Yes, it is rather amazing to most humans such as yourself. Now, shouldn't you be playing with the other children?_

I felt his mood darken.

_I have no need for other children._

_Don't you like to play, though?_

_No. I enjoy playing by myself._

_Well, you're an odd one._

_Your not that normal yourself._

_Thank you!_

Tomthought subconsciously about a rabbit he had hung from the rafters a few days ago, apparently because it's owner had dared make fun of Tom for his love of the snakes that lived in the yard behind the orphanage.

You really shouldn't hurt innocent creatures, it's not nice.

_What are you going on about?_

_It's really very rude._

_That's none of your bussiness._

_Actually, it's my job to tell you to be nice._

_This is going to be really bothersome, having you in my head,isn't it?_

_Yep!_

So I guess we're back where we started. Poor little Tom Riddle staring off into space, rather annoyed if I do say so myself. I can't imagine why.

A/N: Thanks for reading this, please review!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks Nosilla for my firstestest review eva. Thanks for your reviews everyone! Much appreciated! Oh, and fair warning: Tom uses a little bit of mildly colorful language. Also, I would like to alert you all to the fact that I do not, in fact, own the Harry Potter books. Just thought you ought to know.

_You are the most boring child I've ever lived in, did you know?_

_You've told me. Several times. Stop._

_Oh come _on_ Tom, do something fun. When you aren't bullying other children-_

_-and being annoyed by you for it._

_-you're reading! This is boring. Reading is great and all, but you're ten! Get a life! Do something fun! Make a friend!_

_Shut up!_

_Rude!_

_I don't care! Shut your mouth, Kalli._

_You really shouldn't say such things to your elders. I'm about a few thousand years older than you, young man._

_I honestly don't care._

Tom was, indeed, just lying on his bed and reading a book about atom structure. Now you may ask, "what ten year old learns about atom structure?" Tom does, silly. I was just telling you about it. He's had me for two months and I still haven't made much of an impact.

_You know, most children are excited about their birthdays coming up..._

_Good for them._

_Meanwhile, you're lying in your bed, doing nothing._

_I'm doing something, I'm reading. Besides, no one cares about me. They're all too busy celebrating New Year's Eve._

There was no remorse in him as he thought this. Tom really didn't care about what others thought of him, other than wanting other children to fear him.

_I care about you._

_You do not, you're forced to live in my brain, you said yourself you didn't particularly like me._

_So? Liking and caring are two different things. I can care and not like._

_That makes no sense._

_Well you're dumb._

_There's a confidence booster. _Tom turned a page in his book.

_Yeah, so Tommy boy, let's go outside!_

_No._

_Why not?_

_I don't want to._

_Well fine. I'll just sit here and talk to you._

_No!_

Tom turned another page rather angriy. It was then that I noticed Tom had some serious issues he needed to get over. Good thing I was there to help him.

_Oi, Tommy boy! _I thought to get his attention.

_Stop calling me that._

_No._

_What do you want?_

Haha, I annoyed him. I can tell, you see. Living inside his brain I can sense his mood.

_I just wanted to help you with your problems._

_What problems? I have no problems._

_Denial, typical._

_I'm not in denial._

_Oh? So you're in denial about your denial?_

_I'm not in denial about my denial._

_So you're in denial about your denial about your denial?_

_Are you?_

_No._

_You lie._

_How do you know?_

_I live in your brain, nimrod. I know everything about you._

_Crap._

_Excuse me?_

_I said crap!_

Then he was in for it.

_You do not use that sort of language, young man!_

_What sort of language?_

_That word!_

_What, crap? _Tom seemed to have stopped reading.

_Yes, stop using it!_

_Would you rather I say shit?_

_No, I would rather you say 'oh dear'._

_Well, I say crap._

_No you don't._

_Yeah I do._

_See, that's exactly the sort of problems I'm going to help you get over!_

_And I've decided that you need to get in touch with your feminine side._

_WHAT!_

_Just what I said._

_You want me to be girly!_

_No... but you could be. I could teach you how to do make up..._

_NO!_

_No?_

_NO!_

At that point I sensed some hostility in little Tom. No clue _why _he felt hostile, though.

_Why, is there something wrong, Tommy boy?_

_No._

_Well, as I was saying earlier, your birthday is tomorrow, and you aren't doing anything for it._

_I never do anything for it. So I'll be eleven, so what?_

_So! You'll only turn eleven one day in your life, and you should celebrate it!_

_I don't want to!_

_Are you worried about growing old?_

_What?_

_You don't have any grey hair yet, you know._

_Silence, criten._

_Oooh, big word for a little boy._

_I said silence!_

_That's right, you said 'silence, crouton.'_

_I did not say crouton, I said criten._

_No, I heard you, you called me a crouton, and I take offense to that._

_You're impossible._

_Am not! I'm quite possible! However, I am _not _a crouton._

_That's right, you're a _criten

_I'm not a crouton!_

Right then Tom started gripping and ungripping his fists. I had done my job of pestering him enough for the day and so with a pop I left him and materialized on his shoulder.

"Wha-?" Tom began.

"Yeah, I can leave you for one day at a time, then I have to stay in you for some amount of time. I'll be back. Don't do anything stupid." This was the first time I have left Tom's head since I entered it, so I could understand why he was confused. With another pop I was gone, leaving Tom to stare at where I disappeared from his shoulder.

It was my plan to start something special for his birthday, for that I needed inspiration...

I appeared on top of a Grandfather Clock, looking around, my eye's lit upon Mrs. Cole, the matron of the orphanage. Mrs. Cole was busy lecturing a young girl who worked there in some way. I listened in on the conversation, which was going on directly below me.

"Mrs. Cole, I'm trying bu' I jus' can' seem t-"

"Miss Smarmy, I hired you under the presumption that you were able to clean."

"I can clean!" Miss Smarmy exclaimed, then, as an afterthought, "ma'am."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"I' jus' takes me a bit longer, tha's it."

"Well, perhaps I should assign you to a different job."

Here I saw my chance, diving down to Mrs. Cole, I entered her mind and put a thought into it. A brilliant plan if I do say so myself.

"Like wha' ma'am?"

"You could... perhaps you could start planning small celebrations for the children's birthdays," Mrs. Cole said. Then, more sternly, "I seem to remember you are rather good at hosting parties?"

The light that had spread across Miss Smarmy's face disappeared at this critisism. "Yes ma'am, I've hosted quite a few meself. I'll begin straigh' away. Who has the next birthday?"

"I seem to remember Tom Riddle being born on New Year's Eve."

"Excellent."

With my job being done, I decided to allow myself a little break from my own job. Invisible, I flew back up to the Grandfather Clock, where I let my invisability go and curled up like a cat against the wall. I had closed my eyes and rested...

DING DONG... DING DONG...

"ARG!" My hands flew to my mouth. Luckily, my exclamation had been covered by another loud

DING DONG... DING DONG...

Ignoring the dinging (and donging, for that matter) of the clock, I made myself invisible again and made my way through the hallways back to Tom's bedroom. In the hallways children walked in their gloomy grey uniforms, some having been stopped to be chastised for tracking snow through the house. At the end of the hallway I saw that Tom's door was open, so I wouldn't have to waste energy teleporting in. I flew through the door to see Tom lying on his bed where he was still reading about, you guessed it, atom structure among all things. I landed on one of the pages and became visible again.

"AH!" Tom yelled.

"Not glad to see me, then?"

Tom regained his composure, "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't do that."

"You don't appreciate me at all! Ever! And there I was just a few minutes ago, doing this nice stuff for you..."

"What did you do for me?"

"Nothing."

"It is not nothing, tell me!"

"Oh, I don't think you want to know..."

"Tell me!"

"Nah..."

"Yeah! Tell me! Please!"

"Oh. My. God."

"What?"

"You said please! You were polite!"

"So you'll tell me?"

"No, but most people would, that is if they weren't as stubborn as I am."

"_Kalli_!"

"What-ee?"

"_Tell me_!"

"No-ee!"

With a little pop I was back in his mind, to his great annoyance.

_Tell me!_

_No! You can think angrily at me 'til the cows come home but I ain't telling! It's a surprise!_

After this Tom refused to think at me at all. So I started thinking random thoughts to him, like this:

_Hey Tom... Tom! ...Oi! Tommy Boy! ...Fine, I'll just give you a bit of advice... An apple a day keeps the doctor away! Which frankly, I don't get. ...Are doctors afraid of apple breath? I mean, just because they're good for you doesn't mean they'll keep you from getting sick. It's just dumb._

_Shut _up

It went like that for a long time. A loooong time. So, I'll let you be free of the scary random thoughts that came out of my... I can't say mouth... and I didn't technically have a brain... out of my mind? Wow, I just don't know. Well, tune in next week for more of my wonderful life in Tommy boy's mind!

A/N: That's right! Tune in next week and I may possibly have updated! (If not, you can just reread this, right?)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: My good friend zodiac1805 just called me all excited like about an idea (and also came over to my house and kidnapped my computer to read this before I was able to stop her. Grr, shame on her). Seriously, she just randomly called me to tell me this. Hehe. She's kinda weird like that. And she's probably gonna ready this so I'm just going to shut up now. Anyway, I'm using her wonderfullest idea now. Thanks for the reviews everyone! Oh, and I don't own Tom Riddle, Mrs. Cole, the oprhanage, or Finding Nemo. Or anything else from Harry Potter. Or any other animated movie. Or toilets. Sorry.

_Tell me, damn it! _Tom thought angrily at me.

_No! Don't cuss! Jeez!_

_I'll cuss any time I want to, now just tel..._

Tom's thoughts drifted off as he walked into the parlor area of the orphanage. A giant banner was hanging across the room donning the words "Happy Birthday Tom!" and colorful streamers were everywhere. There was one gift set on the table next to a huge cake, which had eleven candles. There was also a magnificent pile of pancakes that the cooks had, if I do say so myself, out done themselves on.

"Happy Birthday Tom!" everyone yelled. "Everyone" being Mrs. Cole, a few staff members, and a half dozen or so early risers from the orphans themselves. The moment their greeting was done, all the children rushed to get pancakes and birthday cake, ignoring the fact that the birthday boy himself wasn't among them.

_Did you do this?_

_No, but I brought up the idea. Wait... what are you planning?_My heart(well,I don't technically _have_ a heart... but you know what I mean, right?) sunkas I realized my plan had gone horribly wrong.

_Nothing._ Tom thought back. He stopped me from probing his brain with a crude form of occlumancy. Even in my current ill ease, I had to admire this. Apparently he had realized what I did whenever he tried to look into my mind.

_You can't hold me back for long_, I thought truthfully.

_I don't need long._

This was very true. After he had had his pancakes, Tom was using most of his power to either stop me from invading his mind, or doing whatever he's trying to stop me from knowing he's doing.

Then I broke through his defenses.

_NO!_

It was too late, though. He had been concentrating all his magical power, although he didn't understand it, on setting the cake on fire.

The cake did catch fire. As did everything else.

Most of the streamers, half a couch, and two living chairs. All blazing in huge flames. The flames were spreading quickly. Several people screamed. The fire alarm started blaring sound. Everyone ran towards the door. Everyone, that is, except Tom.

_D-did I do this?_

_Yes, nimrod! NOW MOVE!_

Something snapped in Tom's head and he realized that he was in danger, and he ran. Ran outside and far from the burning building.

_I- I could have died! _He thought as he slowed to a stop a few blocks from the blazing orphanage.

You _could have died! _I_ could have died!_

Tom ignored her, deep in thought about two things: the first being that he realized that he was mortal, and could die at any moment. The second being that he was able to do things. Manipulate things. He was planning on using this to his advantage, to...

_Oh for goodness sakes, you're ten!_

_Eleven!_

_Eleven_, I ammended as a fire truck rushed past us, _whatever age you are, you are too young to conquer the world. Don't get a big head._

_Bu-_

_And don't you ever, EVER hide something from me like that again. Humans can't just control their powers like that! I could've told you this was going to happen!_

_You just fear my power_.

_Excuse me? I'm more powerful than you are, and I'm immortal-_

_Immortal..._

_-and I can control my powers, thank you very mu- humans can't be immortal, it never works out,_ I informed him.

_I could try..._

_How do you propose you do that?_

_I'm not sure, but I'll find out._

Eleven years old, and alreadytrying to gain immortality.

Worse, he's a wizard, so he'd probably do something stupid about it when he gets to hogwarts.

And who has to try to stop him? Guess, go on, guess. I dare you.

Yeah, that's right. _I_ do. Or else I'll wither away into nothingness. Why? Because stupid Xeno won't give me any assignments and I won't be able to go into a human's mind.

Two words: This. Sucks.

A week and a half later Tom was back on his bed, reading, again. He never got his gift, it was burnt in the fire. Luckily there wasn't much damage, other than all of the children being very jumpy for the next few days. Mrs. Cole was again unable to blame this on Tom, and everyone stayed as far away from him as possible. Except, of course, for me. I, of course, was stuck talking to Tom again. Huzza.

_This won't work._

_There has to be something in these books._

_There isn't._

_How do you know?_

_I've been alive for like, ever. I know these things. There are two sure things in this world: Humans are all selfish, idiotic prats, and they can't live for more'n a couple hundred years... Okay, there are more sure things than that, but those are the ones that pertain to you._

_If humans are idiotic, then how come they can invent cars and electricity and stuff?_

_Okay, there are a few smart humans, but most just do what they're told._

_Do not!_

_Then why do you believe death is so scary? You've never experienced it, as far as you know._

_What do you mean, 'as far as you know'?_

_I mean, how do you know you aren't reincarnated?_

_Because that's just dumb._

_Is it dumb because it's dumb, or dumb because you weren't brought up to believe in it?_

Silence. Well, it was already silent techinically, but- oh, you know what I mean. So anyway, after letting him ponder that, I went on.

_Humans generally agree with whatever they're brought up to believe. If they are faced with evidence contrary, they'llclingto their beliefs.Humans keep going to the point when they're just being stupid, and won't accept that maybe, somehow, they were wrong. Now, not all humans are like this, but many are. See? You just automatically believe that death is the end, but there are other people who believe that there's reincarnation and other things like that, and why? Because that's what they were told. Humans go with what they are first told and go with that. Or they rebel against it and won't ever believe it. Either way they're stubborn. There are so few humans with open minds these days..._

_Thanks for lecturing me on the flaws of my species._

_And another thing, why can't you appreciate me just a little? I give you all this insight, and you get grumpy with me!_

I was really very proud of myself, though. I had convinced him.

_Of course I'm grumpy! You insuled my fu-_

Tom_! Shame on you!_

_Fu-reakin' bloody race!_

_Freaking bloody, eh?_

_Yes._

_Well I'm sorry, but it's true for most. Humans are creatures of habit who are stubborn, selfish, and who can't think for themselves. It's annoying._

_You're annoying._

_Well, atleast I admit it, _and I do, don't I? Haven't I said countless times that I am an annoying little conscience?

_Phfft_. That little git! I'll show him annoying.

_Why you insolent little prat, I'll show you annoying! _See? Told you I would.

_Haven't you already? I thought you've been doing that all along._

_Oh, you're in for it now. I'm getting a song stuck in your head._

_You can't do that!_

_Hmm... let's see..._ I started to thinkin asinging sort ofway,_Just keep swimming, Just keep swimmi-_

_What? What sort of a song is that?_

_It's a good song!_

_Never heard of it._

_That's because I made it up when one of my clients was close to drowning! It was great!_

_Clients?_

_Yeah, like you, you are a client. Anyway, here you are- Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, swimming swimming, What do we do we swim swim swim, OH HO OH How I love to swim! When you waaaaaaaaant to swim you want to swim... AGAIN!_

Now, Tom did his best to ignore me, but as you must know you just can't ignore the Just Keep Swimming song, as I so cleverly named it. You do know, right? Someone made a movie with it in it. I've never seen it myself, as Tom never takes me _anywhere_, but I've heard it's good. So after singing my wonderful song about twenty times I was rudely interrupting.

_Shu- Kalli, shu- KALLI! SHUT UP!_

_Jeez, you don't have to be so rude about it._

Okay, so actually he did, I would never have stopped if he hadn't mentally screamed at me, but you know how it is. I must scold.

_You should say please and thank you._

_Please shut up and thanks for nothing, bi-_

_TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE!_

_WHAT!_

_I'm a conscience, not a dog. Moron. Now, did it work? Is it stuck in your head? _I knew I had, but It's fun to taunt him.

_Yes. I can't get it out._

_Huzza!_

_Huzza?_

_Huzza!_

_That sounds nerdish._

_Hey, I'm not the one reading books all day._

_Well, shut up and let me read, then. I can't concentrate with you going on like that._

_Fine._

So I did.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Okay, sorry about this chapter, it starts out a little... weird. Uh... thanks for reviewing everyone!

_Tom, this won't work._

_The book said it would!_

_Tommy boy, I assure you, this will not work._

_Shut up Kalli, you're the one who is always telling me to stop being negative._

This was true, but honestly this was the most ridicules thing I've ever seen since Icarus and his stupid wax wings. It was the end of winter and there was still a little snow here and there. Furthermore, it was the middle of the night, and was freezing cold out. Tom was standing on one foot, with one leg sticking straight out in front of him. His arms were formed in a circle above his head that reminded me of a ballerina. He was wearing only boxers, luckily he had refused point blank to completely follow the instruction of preforming the "ritual" without any clothing at all. The magical vibrations wouldn't be able to hit him correctly or some such nonsense, according to "My Experiences In The Magical World" by Ima Ediode. I was starting to wonder why a boy with common sense like Riddle would follow instructions in a book that was full of nonsense.

_Did you even _look _at the rest of that book?_

_Yes. I didn't like any of those spells._

_That's not what I was getting at. Listen, in my experience there are no Dark Urine Beams, Astral Cubes of Orange Juice, _or _Rays of Onion Dip. And I'll have you know that the Nose Picking Spirit is _very _polite._

_You're lying, since when have you _ever _done anything good for me?_

_Since your birthday party!_

_Yeah, that worked out great..._

_That has nothing to do with me, you idi-. _He started hopping up and down on his foot. _Ugh! This is so stupid! I'm leaving!_

_Good! I don't need your critici-._

I didn't even let him finish his thought before I appeared on his shoulder with a little pop. With yet another pop I disappeared, leaving him to try to rotate on his hopping foot and begging the little dead shrub in front of him to allow him to live forever.

I reappeared in a forest that most consciences go when they need a break from work.

"Kalliope? Is that you?" said a kind female voice as I sat down on a tree branch.

"Yeah, Li?" I replied, using Ligeia, another conscience's, nickname.

"Yes." Li came to sit down next to me on the branch. She was always much prettier than I was, probably because she was very vain. Li wore her long, soft blond hair down to her waist, and in ringlets that fell down the sides of her head. She wore a sequin gown that was exactly the same shade of silver as her eyes, which, as I've said, is one of the few aspects of ourselves that we cannot change. While Xeno took the classic approach to his appearance, and I took on a more recently popular look, Li made herself look like an angel.

"I've come to relax, I have the worst client ever right now,"

"Aw, poor thing. Tell me all about it," Li might be a bit girly on occasion, but she's still a very good friend.

"Well, first off he's only eleven years old, and his file's this thick." I held my hands about an inch apart, which on our scale is quite a bit.

"Really? Why didn't he have a conscience before now?"

"He has, they all quit."

"I suppose you were put on the job because of your... unique style?"

"Yup." There are very few consciences who actually let their human know they are there. Usually they maintain invisibility and stay inside their heads as a little voice. "He's also a wizard, hasn't gone to school yet and he doesn't know, but he can control his powers a bit. He set a cake on fire a couple of months ago."

"Oh my."

"I know, and right now he's just snuck out of the orphanage and is acting idiotic in it's yard."

"Ugh, Xeno always gives you the tough ones, what is up with him?"

"He doesn't give me tough jobs, he gives you simple ones. Haven't you noticed? He's been trying to get you to-."

"Alright! I get your point!" Li's cheeks turned a light shade of pink and I restrained myself from laughing at her. "So are you just here to complain?"

"Actually, I just had an idea. Could you could help me get back at the little git?"

"How?"

"Well, he is trying to call upon spirits to give him immortality..."

"Ah, and you're thinking it shall 'go wrong'?"

"If you'll assist me, perhaps we could make it look like it..."

"Hmm..." her eyes glinted mischievously. "Go on..."

A/N: Oooh, scary plotting peoples. Right, well it's kind of short and gets everyone in it nowhere fast, but it's all I've got for now.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Huzza! Another chapter! It took awhile to update because I'm evil and don't update fastliful, my muse ran away and joined a circus. I really don't have anything else to say here, except that I don't own Tom or Harry Potter. I do own Kalli and Li though, yay! Thanks for the reviews everyone!

_Tom, I'm starting to get really worried. I have the feeling something got messed up with that expirement of yours... are you sure you did everything right?_

_Yes. I didn't change anything._

_You wore clothes._

_Well I only wore boxers._

_Why did you, incedentily? Don't you like a nice healthy breeze around you privates?_

_...I'm not even going to answer that._

_Why not!_

_That's just wrong..._

_You're just embarassed. You're only eleven, so you can't expect-_

_GAH! NO! AWAY! BEGONE! NO! BAD KALLI! NO!_

_...over react much?_

Tom had only had two hours' sleep the previous night, owing to the fact that he was performing his ritual. I found him bowing down to the small dead bush and decided not to interfere, so I entered his mind that morning before breakfast. Now it was just after lunch, and and the lack of sleep was catching up with him.

_I'm not overreacting... just leave me alone!_

_Why?_

_Because._

_Why don't you just take a nap?_

_I don't need sleep! I will soon be immortal, the ritual will take effect tonight._

_Tom, Tom, Tom, _I thought,_ even if you end up being immortal, you'll still be human, and humans need sleep. Your tiny brain can't handle functioning for twenty-four hours in a row, silly!_

_Shut up, you little butterfly twit._

_...Little butterfly twit? Right, well, I suppose you can't come up with good insults without-_

_Just stop talking!_

_I'm not talking!_

_Stop thinking!_

_Fine, I will!_

_Fine!_

I giggled inwardly and reflected on what Li would be doing later that day.

Tom sat on his bed that evening, trying not to fall asleep, reading a book on other culture's beliefs on what happens after death. It was getting dark outside and I was wondering if she had forgotten.

The room filled with a blood red mist-like substance.

Nope, she hadn't forgotten.

Tom's head jerked up and looked around.

_Kalli? Are you doing this?_

_N-no... _I thought, trying to voice distress as well as possible._ I think you angered some spirit... I'm getting out of here!_

_Kalli no! I-_

Before he could finish his sentance I was on his shoulder with a small pop. I jumped off his shoulder with such a force that- okay, I can't jump with much force, I'm not very big. If I were bigger, though, he would have fallen over. As it was he just looked at me funny. I flew toward the window and the red mist enveloped around me, I screamed in horror and masked a giggle for a moment before letting myself fall to the ground limply.

There was a scared squeak from Tom's direction as Li stepped from the mist.

She had done a terrible job at looking scary, but she was so vain I supposed she couldn't do the scary monster thing. She had taken on the appearance of a very small she-devil, complete with pitchfork, flaming hair, horns and red tail. She had a short red dress, too, and I must say it showed a bit too much cleavage for being around an eleven year old.

"Who are you?" Tom said, doing a fairly good job at keeping fear out of his voice.

Li laughed sinisterly. "Foolish boy, you summoned me."

"I did? I mean..." Tom's voice lowered a little, I think he was trying to sound more manly and certain, "I did."

"You did, now what do you want? I was busy smiting people."

"I want to be immortal!"

Li gave a snort of laughter, "and you thought I would give you that? For what? What have you done for me?"

"I was out there in the cold for more than five hours wearing only boxers!"

"That's hardly worth my time."

"Well then what do you want?" he asked nervously.

Li examined her red painted fingernails, "what d'you got?"

"What!" Tom said incredulously.

"What have you got?" Li asked again slowly, as if speaking to an extremely slow person.

"Don't you people always ask for my soul or something?"

Li gave a short manic laugh (and I stifled a chuckle)before saying, "I'm not a devil, idiot."

"You aren't?"

"No, and you're starting to bore me." The red mist slowly shifted to black smoke, which made Tom cough.

"Wha- what are you doing!"

"Well, I figure if you don't hurry up eventually you'll die from the smoke..."

Tom started a quickly stifled scream and jumped off his bed and ran towards the door.

"I don't think so," Li said, raising a column of fire in front of the door, or what looked like fire. It was actually an illusion. I was slightly surprised Tom didn't notice that it didn't give off any heat.

Tom whimpered quietly and then coughed. It sounded painful. I jumped up and gave Li a look. She let most of the smoke dissolve and the fire fade, leaving Tom to look around, startled. I quickly flew up from the floor and sat cross-legged on top of his pillow. Tom looked from me to Li, who beconed the remaining smoke around her so she couldn't be seen. When the smoke disappeared it showed that she had changed back to her usual appearance: silver gown and all. Li joined me on Tom's pillow and we looked at him for a few moments. He stared at us. We glanced at each other and then burst out laughing.

"That's not funny!" Tom yelled.

"Yeah it is," Li and I said together.

Tom sat back down on his bed, picking up his book again and looking determined to ignore us.

"Oh no! She's so scary!" I said in a high pitched voice.

"I think I'll wet myself!" added Li in the same tone.

"I didn't wet myself," Tom said, turning slightly pink.

"Then what's that smell?" asked Li.

"Probably you," I decided.

"Excuse me?"

"It's the smoke, nimrod."

"Oh." As Li said this we looked up at Tom, who was glaring at us.

"I thought you said only I could see you, so why can I see her? She's not my conscience."

"Uh oh, question and answer session, I'm leav-" Li began, starting to stand.

"Oh no you aren't! You're staying," I grabbed her wrist and glared at her. She rolled her eyes and nodded, as I let her go I looked back up at Tom. "I could let the entire orphanage see me if I wanted, but I choose not to."

"Consciences can change most everything about their appearances," Li added.

"So why did you do that?"

"To teach you a lesson about messing about with things you don't understand," I said.

"Couldn't you have done that in a way that was easier on me? I could have had a heart attack!" Tom said, then added quickly, "Not that I was scared, I knew it was a trick all along."

"That wouldn't have been as fun," answered Li, choosing to ignore the last little bit. "Now, if you'll excuse me I think Xeno wants me."

"He sure does." With a parting glare Li dissappeared, leaving me alone with my client once more. My client who had picked up his book again, you know the one. "So are you giving up on all that stupid 'ritual' bussiness?"

"No. You didn't prove it was dangerous."

"You want proof? Read... that book," I said, pointing to a book he had checked out of the city library a few days before and hadn't looked at yet.

"'Summonings That Go Wrong'? I'm not going to read that."

"Then why did you check it out?" I said, flying back to his shoulder.

_Because you forced me to,_ he thought once I was in his head once more.

_And I did that so that you could learn, read on little man._

_I'm not a lit-_

_Okay then, read on little bo-_

_Fine I'll read it if it'll make you shut up._

_Good._

Fifteen minutes later his eyes were the shape of a toilet seat, which is fairly round, sort of an oval... okay, what I mean is he was shocked. Which meant he wasn't going to try anything like that again any time soon.

A/N: Well, well, well, he can learn. Atleast in this fanfiction he can. Yay! Well, review if you have anything you want to say!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Here's a chapter for your reading enjoyment, boredom ailment, and general readifulness. I don't own Harry Potter or any of the quotes I may use, but I rock anyway, so nyah. Thanks everyone for their reviews! Sorry that I have nothing interesting to say in this author's note, heh.

Guess what Tom was doing.

Go on, guess.

That's right, he was - wait for this, it will amaze you all - he was _reading_.

_Oh I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves..._

_Kalli._

_...everybody's nerves..._

_Kalli, I'm trying to read._

_...everybody's nerves! I know a song..._

_Shut up._

_...that gets on everbody's nerves and this is how it goes._

_Kalli, shush, I'm trying to-_

_I know a song that- what was that?_

_Somebody's knocking on the door... You've got a visitor. This is Mr. Dumberton - sorry, Dunderdore. He's come to tell you - well, I'll let him do it."_

The matron of the school had quite obviously been drinking, and for a second I was wondering if she had imagined the man. Then a man stepped in behind her.

Then man had long auburn hair and a purple suit of the sort that made it obvious that he had either dressed in the dark, or was a wizard trying to make it in the muggle world. I supposed this was none other than Albus Dumbledore, who was famous for helping Nicolas Flamel create the Philosopher's Stone and discovering the twelve uses of dragon's blood.

_I bet you wish you had a suit like that._

_Shut it, I think I'm in trouble._

_Rude._

"How do you do, Tom?" said Dumbledore, walking forward and holding out a hand.

Tom hesitated.

_Rude again, shake his hand._

_You can't boss me around._

_Do it!_

_Fine._

Tom obeyed reluctantly.

"I am Professor Dumbledore," he said, sitting on the hard wooden chair which he had pulled around to me next to Tom's bed as Mrs. Cole left the room.

"'Professor'? Is that like 'doctor'? What are you here for? Did _she _get you to have a look at me?"

_Tom!_

_Shush._

"No, no."

"I don't believe you. She wants me looked at doesn't she? Tell the truth!" Tom commanded.

_Tom, really. That's enough of bossing people around,_ I thought to him as Tom glared at Dumbledore, trying to use his brand of mind reading as the older man merely smiled at him.

_Shut up, what do you know?_

_I know he's telling the truth._

_How do you know that?_

_Tom, I have powers you can't dream of understanding,_ I lied.

Tom looked at Dumbledore warily, "Who are you?"

"I have told you. My name is Professor Dumbledore and I work at a school called Hogwarts. I have come to offer you a place at my school - your new school, if you would like to come."

Tom jumped off the bed and backed away from Dumbledore, "You can't kid me! The asylum, that's where you're from, isn't it? 'Professor,' yes, of course - well, I'm not going, see? That old cat's the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they'll tell you!"

_What do you mean you've never done anything to them? You dragged them into the terrible cave!_

_Yeah but he doesn't have to know that!_

"I am not from the asylum. I am a teacher and, if you will sit down calmly, I shall tell you about Hogwarts. Of course, if you would rather not come to the school, nobody will force you-."

"I'd like to see them try."

"Hogwarts," he went on patiently, ignoring Tom, "is a school for people with special abilities-"

"I'm not mad!"

_Yeah you are._

_Am not!_

_You have voices in your head that talk to you, remember?_

_Oh shut up, I need to talk to this guy._

"I know that you are not mad. Hogwarts is not a school for mad people. It is a school for magic."

Tom froze.

_Magic?_

_Yes._

_I can do magic?_

_I'm wasn't supposed to tell you until you were told by a wizard... wandless magic is very dangerous for humans._

_Tell me more, _he commanded.

_Ask Professor Dumbledore._

So Tom began the same way that he had with me. "Magic?" he whispered.

"That's right."

"It's... it's magic, what I can do?"

"What is it that you can do?"

"All sorts," Tom said. As he went into a long rant about his powers my thoughts drifted away from the conversation. Now that Tom would have access to all sorts of books on real magic, what if he did find out some sort of way to live forever? I knew that there were a few ways wizards could stay alive, but I hadn't been assigned to a Hogwarts student for some time, so I wasn't sure what all they had on the topic in the library, and something told me he would be going to book shops too... I was pulled out of my thoughts by a sudden upswing in Tom's mood.

"Are you a wizard too?" he asked.

"Yes, I am."

"Prove it. Tell the truth."

_Stop commanding the man around! Hogwarts is strict, you'll get detentions for that in the future!_

_Shut up!_

_You'll get in trouble for telling your teachers that._

_Kalli. Be quiet._

During our short conversation Dumbledore had spoken, "If, as I take it, you are accepting your place at Hogwarts..."

"Of course I am!"

"Then you will address me as 'Professor' or 'sir.'"

_WHAT!_

_Do it!_

_Fine._

"I'm sorry, sir. I meant - please, Professor, could you show me - ?"

Dumbledore withdrew his wand from an inside pocket of his wonderful purple suit and gave it a casual flick. The wardrobe burst into flames. Tom jumped up and turned angrily towards Dumbledore as the flames vanished.

Tom did a double take.

_What just happened?_

_Did you feel heat from the fire?_

_No..._

_Well, there you are. It was an illusion. Your stuff is safe._

"Where can I get one of those?"

_Why do I always get people making mock fires in my room?_

"All in good time. I think there is something trying to get out of your wardrobe."

_Li isn't a people, she's a conscience._

But Tom's attention had turned to the rattling sound coming from his wardrobe. _What the hell? _Tom strode over to it and opened the door to his wardrobe, the cardboard box he kept his "prizes" in was rattling.

_Take it out._

"Take it out."

Tom obeyed us both.

"Is there anything in that box you ought not to have?"

"Yes, I suppose so, sir," Tom was using the expressionless voice he sometimes used when he was under pressure.

"Open it." When Dumbledore saw all the toys Tom had taken from other children he continued, "You will return them to their owners with your apologies. I shall know whether it has been done. And be warned: Theiving is not tolerated at Hogwarts."

"Yes, sir," Tom watched the wand as it was placed back in Dumbledore's suit.

My mind wandered again as Dumbledore took his turn to rant and my client grew steadily more irritated. My guess was that either Tom would get in huge amounts of trouble at Hogwarts, or more likely that he would rarely or never be caught in his wrongdoings. There would be wrongdoings, that I was sure of. The conversation turned to where Tom would be getting his supplies and finally Dumbledore left with a final handshake.

When Tom was alone in the room again his thoughts were all centered around magic, and I prepared myself for the barrage of questions.

_So you know all about the wizarding world?_

_Yep._

_What can you tell me about it?_

_I can tell you that tomorrow we're going to Diagon Alley and you'll find out there._

_What Hogwarts like?_

_You'll find that out September first._

_Why won't you tell me now? Is it some sort of rule?_

_Nah, it'd just ruin the surprise._

Tom's mood changed from curiousity to annoyance.

_Why can't you just do what I ask for once?_

_Because I'm mean._

_Just tell me!_

_No!_

_Tell me!_

_No!_

_Yes!_

_No!_

_Tell me!_

_Never!_

_Yes!_

_No!_

_Yes!_

_No!_

Our conversation went on like that for quite awhile, and finally Tom was forced by his hungry stomach to turn his thoughts to dinner, where I was barraged which a ton of questions about wizarding food and gave sarcastic remarks back. Of course, I didn't actually tell him much, though I did end up telling him all about Cockroach Clusters, which quieted him for a time.

A/N: Yes, there you have it. Not much new, I mean it's almost like you've read it before, isn't it? Except you didn't really get to see it from Tom's point of view... unless if you're like me and actually _try _to look at things from other character's points of view, in which case this chapter was really boring for you. Sorry. Anyway, you can complain to me about it in reviews. Or you can tell me how awesome I am, one of the two.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Once again, I'm sorry for the last chapter and how it had little in it that was interesting, but I couldn't think of any other way of doing it without just putting "Dumbledore came and told Tommy Boy that he's a wizard, go reread book six losers!" So I did that. Deal with it. Thanks everyone who reviewed! You peoples rock my sox! Also, thanks Miss Pookamonga who mentioned me in her the author's note in the story "Tom Riddle's Second Quack." It made me feel special tearsnifflesniffle. Okay, now that that's over... Wait... Oh yeah, I don't own the Harry Potter characters, places, quotes, et cetera. But I do own a copy of each of the books, and isn't that really close enough in the end? ...No, I don't think so either. I don't own "Every Time We Touch" either. And please ignore the fact that that song didn't exist in this time. Just pretend, okay? Okay.

_Watch out! Kamekazi owl!_

_What?_

_There's an owl flying straight at your- oh... nevermind, then..._

"Argh!" Tom howled as he was hit in the head by an owl which was escaping Eeylops Owl Emporium.

"Come back here- oh my god, I'm so sorry sir!" the witch who had ran outside to catch the owl, which had apparently been sufficiently shocked to stop flying and sit there on the ground, large round eyes staring up at the thing that had stopped it's try for freedom. "Our owls don't usually get out like that! This one has been trying to fly out the door lately..." The middle aged woman rambled on about how odd this particular owl acted as she picked it up and put a body bind charm on it nonverbally.

_Wow, you must have a hard head to get the owl to freeze up like that._

_Shut up, that woman put a spell on it. Why do wizards have owls as pets?_

_To send letters._

_Letters!_

_Yup. That's their main form of communication, next to just talking to each other._

_Huh... I want one._

_Don't be silly, you barely have enough money for your school things._

Tom smirked slightly, _Watch this._

"Ma'am," he said, putting on an expression of pure innocence, "you don't suppose that owl hitting me in the head could hurt me? It hurt lots..."

"Oh dear, oh dear! If the manager hears..."

"Maybe I should go into the shop and have a talk with him to make sure I'm okay..."

"You'll be fine, dear!"

"Are you sure? I don't know much about owls. I grew up in an muggle orphanage, and so I just don't know..."

"Listen sweety, you want an owl? You can have this one. I don't want it, it's costing Eeylops more than it'll get, and you need an owl."

"Really? Could I have it please?"

"Take 'im. You'll need some food and a cage of course."

"I don't have much money."

"I suppose I can afford to let that come out of my paycheck."

_That was cheap. Manipulating that poor lady for your own gain. As your conscience I'm supposed to stop you from doing these things, you know, _I said, as Tom followed the woman into the store for the owl food and cage.

_You aren't doing a very good job of it._

_Listen here, Tommy Boy-_

_Stop calling me that!_

_-You tell that nice lady that you can't accept her gift._

_You heard her, she doesn't want the thing anyways._

_Do it! _

_No!_

_Yes!_

_No!_

_How are you going to keep it in the orphanage?_

_It can be out flying most of the time, it can hunt for itsself and... I'll hide the cage under my bed when it's not using it._

_So how are you going to keep it at Hogwarts?_

_I think of something- Oh look, transactions done. Too late._

I had hoped that maybe, just maybe, caring for another living thing might bring out the good in him... it was obvious by the end of the day that this wasn't working out. Tom had used sob stories and charm to save as much money as possible. When he returned to the orphanage he still had a few galleons left.

Immediatly upon returning, Tom did what he did best. No, not bully other children, idiot. He went upstairs and read.

_Shouldn't you be feeding that owl?_

_Damn! I forgot!_

He had managed to smuggle the owl in by scaring two of the other children to make a distraction in the form of jumping up and down on the sofas screaming the lyrics of "Every Time We Touch" at the top of their lungs. It was quite an interesting sight to behold.

_This owl is so much trouble. I should've just gotten money from that lady, would've been easier,_ thought Tom.

_If you can't handle taking care of a pet how are you going to go on with life? And besides, you shouldn't have gotten anything from her._

_I'm a loner. I need no one._

_You sound like every other male I've ever met. You'll think differently when you're married._

_I'm not going to get married. I haven't got time for such trivial things as a wife._

_I never said "wife," I said "married."_

_Are you insinuating that I'm homosexual?_

_What's wrong with that?_

_It's nasty!_

_So's your face!_

_Burn!_

_So... what're you going to name your owl._

_I was thinking Erebus._

_Erebus? The underworld in Greek Mythology?_

_Yes._

_Why? Because you are the owl's master and fear death, therefore you feel like you are mastering death by making your owl represent it?_

_No... because I thought it was a cool name._

_I think it's because you are the owl's master and you fear-_

_Fine! I won't name it Erebus! I'll name it Henry!_

_You know, Henry in German means "home ruler," could this be a possible subconscious desire to-_

_Okay what do you suggest I name it then?_

_Hmm... Nigel._

_Why? What does Nigel mean?_

_I don't know, it just sounds cool._

A/N: Will Kalli and Tom ever settle on a name for the owl? Will I ever get around to getting Tom to Hogwarts? Why am I asking you people this, how are you supposed to know? This chapter is dedicated to the awesome Jaimie from mugglecast, who likes to turn songs such as "Every Time We Touch" and "God Bless the USA" on the loudest possible volume his ipod, jump up and down on beds, and scream the lyrics. Why? Because he gave me the idea for the distraction, and more importantly because he's British, and British people rock. Thank you for reading this and review at your own discretion!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Sorry it took so long for me to get this one... I blame the aliens! ...Okay, it's my fault, I've been concentrating on other things. Speaking of cheese, I do not own Harry Potter.

About a week into his first year at school, Tom sat by himself at the end of the Slytherin table, eating some chicken and staring off into space musingly.

_So Tommy Boy, how are you liking Hogwarts?_

_It's quite interesting to be honest._

_Oh... My... Cheese._

_What?_

_What, cheese? You know, queso, fromage, formaggio, ost, quiejo-. _Knowing dozens of languages sometimes has it's perks.

_No, not that, stupid. Stop saying cheese. I mean what were you "Oh my"ing about?_

_Oh, well, you were being nice._

Tom let out an audible groan that earned him odd looks from the people sitting around him.

"What are you looking at?" he said, narrowing his eyes.

"You'd best be polite, you titchy brat," said one of the older students who looked as though he could crush Tom to a pulp.

_Making friends, eh?_

"If you've got a problem with me, I suggest you take it up with Professor Slughorn."

The boy snorted, but turned away. It was already a well known fact that Tom was one of Slughorn's favorites.

"Wow," said a second year boy in awe, "No one's ever stood up to him before and got away with it. I'm Mulciber, by the way."

"Riddle. Tom Riddle."

Tom and Mulciber got into a short conversation about the evils of buttered toast, or some such pointless topic humans like to talk about, when suddenly a boy in Tom's year staggered in and plopped down next to Mulciber, holding a very red cheek in his hand.

"What happened to you?" asked Mulciber, restraining a laugh.

"That chick was so fine... if she were on paper, she'd be what you called fine print."

_Ew, that's gross._

"Did you tell her that?" asked Tom, smirking.

_Hormonal boys are ucky._

"Yeah, I figured she'd take it as a compliment... she didn't."

_No duh, lover boy._

"Obviously," said Mulciber. "You're Aguiler, aren't you?"

"Yeah, Shon Aguiler."

"What girl was it."

"Minerva McGonagall, she's a third year," Shon said with a dreamy look in his eye.

_Tom?_

"Yeah," agreed Tom, who had met her on the train ride there, "She is pretty."

_TOM?!_

"Pretty Schmexy, you mean," Shon said.

_TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE, GET THOSE IMAGES OUT OF YOUR HEAD YOUNG MAN!_

Tom started snickering, I glared at him mentally.

"What?" asked Mulciber.

"Nothing, just something I thought of."

Two short months into the school year and Tom was more popular, but Shon wasn't at all so with the ladies.

"Girl, your feet must be tired 'cause you been running through my mind _all _day," he said to a pretty second year named Violet who, it turned out, had quite the right hook even when holding books.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! I dink by dose id brogen!"

_What?_ asked Tom mentally.

_He thinks is nose is broken, nimrod._

Tom sighed, "Sometimes I wonder why I hang around with you, come on, I'll help you to the hospital wing. It'll give me an excuse to be late for transfiguration."

"Why? You dow lige Dubbledore?"

_Why? You don't like Dumbledore? _I relayed.

"Nope. He looks at me wierd, like I can't be trusted."

_That's because you _can't_ be trusted._

_Shut up, Kalli._

_No! Not if you don't ask nicely!_

_Fine, _please _shut up._

_You're such a hard headed pig._

_Someone's on their time of the month._

_You just like it that you've _finally _found out what that is._

_Shut it!_

_Admit it, you don't know enough about girls to even have correct mental images about Minny McGee._

_Would you stop calling her that?!_

_Aww... Does widdle iddy Tommy Boy gots a crush on Minny McGee?_

_Stop calling me that! And I do not!_

_Do too._

_Not!_

_Too. I live in your head, 'member? I know everything about you._

_Urg! Just leave me alone!_

Somebody's _going through puberty._

"...ad she's all da hodder fow id... are you listeding do be?"

"No."

"Oh..."

"Who were you talking about?"

"Minerva."

"What?!"

"What?"

"Listen," said Tom, rounding on Shon, "She's _mine_, understand? I don't care who else you talk about, just _leave her be_."

"She doesn't belong to anyone! She can do whatever she wants, and so can I!"

Tom withdrew his wand.

"Woah now, you wouldn't curse me, would you?" the nervousness in Shon's voice was obvious.

"Leave her be."

_A little obsessed, aren't you? Holy Hathor, Tommy Boy, you don't need to _attack _people over her._

"Alright, alright, j-just put your wand away." Tom slipped his wand back into the depths of his robes and continued walking, completely ignoring me. They walked in silence the rest of the way to the hospital wing. Well, Shon did, Tom had to listen to _someone_.

A/N: Okay, I know, I know. Voldemort can't love. But that doesn't mean he can't lust, right? Besides, who among us that realized McGonagall went to school with dear(...or not) ol' Voldy hasn't wondered if they might have had some sort of relationship. Hagrid went to school with them too... he was too young for McGonagall, but Voldy... we wouldn't fear Voldemort any less if he had a different sexual preference, right? We don't judge. (And no, I'm not prejudiced, so don't yell at me.) Okay, enough of my ponderings of evil dude's love lives. If you've got anything to say, go ahead and review! (Or not. Your choice. We don't judge here, 'member?)(Oooh... look! parenthesis! I have lots and lots of things in parenthesis)(Oh no! This is turning into a WALL OF TEXT!)(Oh no! Someone gave me caffeine and I'm hyper now!)(Okay, I'm going to force myself stop typing now, before this turns into a huge, long, pointless speil. Fare well.)(Is fare well one word or two? Because it can be used as seperate- BLAST! STOP TYPING DARN ME!)(And now I'm talking to myself... sighs)


End file.
